Who says Fatherhood Friday has to be all about the Dads?????
Well not me, so today I have a real treat for all the DC Urban Dad readers.
I have with me one of the kick ass Mom bloggers out there - Petra. To be honest I am not sure how I came across her and her site The Wise (*Young*) Mommy, but am glad that she is a part of my daily reading and a friend. She's not only a talented writer, but a fabulous mother and wife to boot. If you don't follow her, ya should.
Petra took a few moments out of her hectic schedule to sit down and talk about what she has going on, her future book, parenting and a topic that I don't really touch on here too often (in fact never) - SEX (gasp)!
Enjoy.....
So tell us a little bit about the site and of course the upcoming book? Where did the inspiration come from? What are your hopes for the book and the site?
The site and the book are both called Sex and The Suburbs, with the tagline “What Moms Don’t Talk About at PTA Meetings and Play Dates…BUT SHOULD.” That pretty much says it all. Women don’t express their concerns, fears, issues, and questions with one another to better understand sex after child birth, marriage, running a household, being a stay at home mom or a working mom. There are all different sets of challenges and difficulties, as well as wonderful new developments that come with moms’ sex lives, but so many of us feel it is private and not to be shared. But where that leaves us is that we don’t have anyone to relate to, and we often feel really alone or “broken” when we have problems.
I hope that the book and the site will urge moms to open up with their fellow moms, to talk about what bothers them, what they love, what they hate and what works and doesn’t work for them. In turn, maybe we can feel better and more confident about our sex lives, and create more of the sex life that we want, instead of the sex life we have been given because of our circumstances. Lastly, I think we need to be able to laugh at ourselves, and realize that these issues aren’t the end of the world. Therefore, I try to invoke humor into my writing as much as possible. Laughing is so much better than crying.
Why do you think so many people have such a hard time talking about sex?
I think it’s a combination of being raised not to talk about these issues, and being embarrassed. Let’s face it, admitting that you have a problem with lubrication or that your husband wants anal sex and you are scared to try it (or you LOVE it and can’t get enough) is not easy. People, especially women, are extremely afraid of being judged for their actions.
I know so many moms that want to portray the image that they can “do it all” and all with a smile on their face, and admitting your sex life isn’t satisfying or that you and your husband are “unconventional” in the bedroom somewhat alters that persona of “super mom.” But if we just realize that we are all in the same boat, and what we do behind closed doors is not “weird” or “wrong,” we would probably be more comfortable talking about it.
What's the biggest difference (besides the obvious ones) you have found between Men and Women when it comes to sex?
I would have to say the biggest difference I have found is one that everyone is aware of, I think. It is that women attach emotion to sex much more than men. For many men, sex is a release that doesn’t necessarily have to involve romanticism or intimacy. That is why men, in general, masturbate more often. Men are also much more visual when it comes to sex, while most women rely on attraction to the person, inside and outside, to get turned on. That is why many women have such a big problem with pornography and their husband’s masturbating to images of other women.
To men, it’s just tits and ass, a means to an end, while to many women, they feel it is almost an act of infidelity. Of course, there are always going to be men that don’t enjoy pornography, and women who do, but in general, this seems to be a widespread issue.
Do you ever worry what your kids will think about this as they grow older? What does your husband think of the site and the book?
I worry about that all the time. Since my children are not at the age of surfing the internet yet (they are 3 and 9), I haven’t had to worry about it, but pretty soon my stepson will be old enough to type stuff into search engines and I do worry that my stuff will pop up. I think the only way to avoid this is to have REALLY good parental control on any computers the kids use and talk to them about what I write about when they are old enough to understand it. My husband loves the site and the idea of the book. He is very open and non-judgmental when it comes to sex and what I write about. I really appreciate his support in this endeavor.
When did sex become such a hot topic for you personally?
Well, I think sex has always been a hot topic for me, because I enjoy it. But I really became interested in writing about it when I started my blog, The Wise (Young) Mommy, and I got such an overwhelming reaction from other moms when I posted about sex or sex toys. It seemed like moms were dying to talk about it in a safe forum, and that there was so much more to it than I thought. That is when I started thinking about doing the research and starting the book. Then I was offered a weekly column at SexIs Magazine and it grew from there.
Growing up was sex something that was discussed openly in your family?
Yes and no. I think my parents were probably more open with me than most, but it wasn’t like we talked about sex around the dinner table or anything. My parents answered any questions I had honestly, but carefully, and never hid the fact that they loved each other and were intimate. I think that helped me gain a positive outlook on sex, and I hope I can do the same for my children.
Any advice for other Dads and Moms for when it comes to sex and talking about sex?
Well, of course the most important thing is being open and honest with each other and not being afraid to tell your partner what you like, what you don’t like, or about any fears, issues or problems you have. Also, keep an open mind and try not to be judgmental. Oh yeah, and save the “can I put my finger in your ass?” conversation for BEFORE sex, not DURING.
Let's take it in a different direction and go into some favorites.....
Song – Hallelujah, Jeff Buckley
Album – The White Album - Beatles
Concert – Duh, The Jonas Brothers!
Movie – Sixteen Candles
Book – Bee Season, Myla Goldberg
Quote – >“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”
Word – Serendipity, cause it’s fun to say
Curse word – I don’t curse, who the fuck do you think I am?
Best parenting advice? Worst?
I would have to say that the best parenting advice would be to not sweat the small stuff and pay attention to EVERYTHING because it goes by way too fast. The worst parenting advice? I hate when people tell you to keep your kids up late so they will sleep later or have them skip a nap so they will go to bed earlier. I think sleep habits are SO incredibly important for kids.
Best parenting moment? Worst?
Wow, this is a hard one. I guess my best parenting moment would have to be giving birth, because I was like a frickin’ rock star at childbirth. Labored for 9 hours total, pushed for 12 minutes and didn’t yell at or hurt my husband. It was EPIC.
My worst moment is more like worst moments, because I tend to get really overwhelmed from working from home with two kids and I start to lose my patience. I hate when that happens, and even though I know it is inevitable from time to time, I think it happens to me too much. I need to work on that.
How would you like to remembered?
I think I just want to be remembered in general. Haha. I want to make a big enough impact with my life that more than, say 10, people show up to funeral to say “Hey, she was pretty cool.” And it would be an extra bonus if people remembered me as making a positive impact on their lives. That would be amazing.
What's next?
Well, finish the book, hopefully get someone to agree to publish it and start promoting it so moms will read it. That’s it for now. I’ll figure out the rest later.
Petra, thanks so much for stopping by. Look forward to seeing the book launch and hope you will come back when it does. And for all of you who want to know more check out The Wise (*Young*) Mommy, Sex and the Suburbs, and Twitter.
